Thursday, September 22, 2011

An update on my Emotional Status

suffering of the following symptoms :   deep hurt , frustration , anguish , distress , nausea , confusion, numbness , extreme melancholy , misery , desperation and depression .
believe me , I don't like the fact that all I'm going through sounds exaggerated and because I am by nature a perfectionist who makes a fuss about almost everything , that just ranks me to a worse category ,
with each day I continue struggling from my parents mistakes , their divorce and ongoing troubles that make my situation harder and harder to deal with .
my bad college choice , one which I took as a "stand by" to go to another one and seem to be stuck in , I have a better idea , the idea of studying what I WANT abroad . ----> yeah like that'll happen .
I go to college every day with this heavy burden on my chest  , having to deal with unwelcoming , over demanding college doctors .God !! Did I mention how much I HATE that college ??
imprisoned in my house for years and years , barely going out except for school or college . ----> because my father decided that we simply CAN'T  .
I'm 19 , and don't have my driver's license yet . ----> father too lazy to do that .
developed under those circumstances to be a lonely " moon child" , loneliness of the night is my best friend .
people ALWAYS look at me like I'm a celebrity or some kind of an alien because I actually look foreign and just a little too white to be from my own country  . ----> well , I'm an Arab half European , what do you expect !!! and no , I don't live in America .
this may not always come as a miss fortune , attention doesn't bother me much , other that the fact that I suffer from anxiety and social phobia , so that just adds a little more tension .
being verbally and physically abused also resulted my weakness , shyness and fear of talking to strangers .
stuck in my bad luck and hence , I begin to fall apart , just shoot me already !! (not literally )

these are just a few things that makes my life a living hell . I know that there are far worse things going on in this world , other than my own self related issues and complaints  , and thinking about that occasionally helps relief my ongoing distress .

Allah Kareem .

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